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 Sex is part and parcel of human existence, not just human, Animals and any mamals on Earth.



 As a human, you are here today in this planet Earth because two people somewhere had sex and the result of the sex they had a long time ago is you reading this. 
Sex is a very sensitive topic people don't like to talk on most times, may be due to shame, moral upbringing, pretense and more, but we are going to pin point 9 reasons why you should be sexually active every single day of your life without a break.
1. It builds Emotional Intimacy between you and your partner
For married people, sex tends to help build your emotional intimacy with each other. Making love for married people us not done just because of the satisfaction of their sexual desires, but it helps create bonds between you and your partner both physically, mentally and spiritually. People have Sex only for the pleasure of it, they don't know what it actually entails to have more than one sexual partner. Haalving more than one sexual partner instead of helping you emotionally creates what we reffer to as emotional confusion and this is what many girls in Nigeria face today.
2. It increases your immunity 
Making love regularly is said to be a very good tool to improving your Anti-body immunoglobullin which the effect of it is making your body stronger against common fever, cold and pains. The movement and the sensation you feel during love making helps the body so much... It is like doing a vigorous exercise. As a woman, you shouldn't be always under the man in bed. Try to be up sometimes, it helps your body system a lot.
3. It reduces stress so much
After a long day, you come back home and make love with your partner, take a shower and go to bed, you will see that all the stress will be gone before you know it. Too much of stress can lead to a very fatal health emergency. But shaking stress off through love making, apart from taking pills can have a very positive effect on your health as a human being. 

4. It reduces pains and aches
Yes it does, have you heard of this phrase "Sexual Healing"?  Making love can sometimes be a good tool to relieve you of pains, when we talk of pains, we are not actually reffering to headache, or broken bones and all. We are actually talking of body aches, waist pain, muscle pain and more. Love making can put a permanent or a temporal stop to such aches in your body.
5. Love making promotes longevity
Love making is a very good and natural way of promoting longevity in humans. You may be wondering how, when making love, humans attains the level of orgasm during love making, during that orgasm, a hormone called dehydrepaindrosterone is released in the body, when it's released, it promotes a very strong immunity system, repairs damaged tissues and also keeps the body healthier. Study shows that Men who have orgasm everyweek lives longer than men who have orgasm once in weeks.
6. It increases blood Circulation in the body
Making love everyday is like doing exercise, this vigorous exercise as we may call it helps improves the blood Circulation in your body thereby keeping you far from any blood related possible ailments. Let's go deeper into this, any time you are making love, your heart rate increases when it increases, your heart produces fresh blood which would be supplied to the organs and cells in the body. When this is done, the already used blood will immidiatly be removed from the organs and cells of that individual. Making love also helps the body expel toxins and other used materials from the body which is capable of causing excecive tiredness.
7. Making love helps one to sleep better at night
When you are sexually active, there's every possibility that you won't experience sleepless nights in your life no matter what might be going through.
8. It actually improves overall fitness
Some people find it difficult to go to the gym and they really want to loose weight as Men, having regular sex can do the job perfectly for you. Having regular sex apart from being an exercise helps burn fats in your body thereby making you to loose some calories.
9. Making love makes you feel better throughout the day.
Any happy married woman or man you see in the morning might be because of what must have happened in the night between the couples. Sex is made by God to be pleasurable to man and also a therapy to any issue that may arise.

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So let's say, hypothetically, on a random Wednesday night, you found yourself drunk off of margaritas and decided to send “DO NOT TEXT” a 2 a.m. message. Sure, it seemed like a smart idea…until the next morning when you realize in your drunken stupor, you sent a picture of the cold mozzarella stick you were eating. (Sorry, let me rephrase: You sent a blurry photo of a cold mozzarella stick).

…It happens. But it might not come as much surprise that you were left on read. So because you’ve specifically landed on an article that’s supposed to help you slide back into your ex’s life again (and not completely destroy the chance with a picture of a mozz stick), I’m going to tell you to put. the. phone. down—and maybe the wine, too.

For now, let’s have an expert dissect the tangible, actual ways you can win over your ex again that’s not via a midweek drunk text. After all, according to our Cosmo poll, 95 percent of you wouldn’t be completely against rekindling with an ex. So if you’re ready to be patient and really work at it, here are 10ish tips that may help you along the way.


1. Give your partner actual space.

This one will probably be harder if you were the one broken up with, but trust, it's important. If you can't respect your ex-partner's basic wishes of needing some space, you're not off to a good start in making them want to date you again.

Of course, if you're trying to get back together, you eventually will want to reach out—but there's no concrete set of time to wait, says psychologist Mariana Bockarova, PhD, who teaches relationship psychology at the University of Toronto. A good rule of thumb: Break the silence when you feel more clarity about the relationship.

This means if you were broken up with and have been blaming yourself for the split, only reinstate contact when you stop feeling that way. If you did the breaking up, only shoot a text when you're certain that you miss your ex for the right reasons, rather than out of boredom or guilt.


2. Don’t think of it as a competition.

"I would avoid the mindset of 'winning over anyone,'" says Bockarova. In a world that looks at dating culture as a "challenge" anyway, it's quite unhealthy to try to re-win your ex over by thinking of it in the same way you'd think about a football game—whereas there's one clear winner and one loser. Seeing a reconciliation as anything other than a combination of mutual growth and effort is a pretty unhealthy approach, confirms Bockarova, and it probs signifies that you shouldn’t be getting back together in the first place.


3. Hold back on the badmouthing.

Obviously, breakups feel shitty. It's only natural (and needed) to have a vent session with your closest BFFs.

However, you can be hurt without acting vindictive—especially if your ex is someone you already think you might want to get back together with. "Put yourself in your ex's shoes," Bockarova says. "Would you appreciate if someone you cared about spoke badly about you to all of your friends, [sent you] an avalanche of angry messages, or revealed secrets you had told them in a vulnerable state?"

If you ever want to open the door to dating each other again, spreading weird rumors or sending mean-spirited texts won't do you any favors. Also, it's just good practice for all breakups, regardless of your future dating intentions. It's never good to divulge super-personal gossip about an ex—plus, it won't actually make you feel better. 

4. Change your life before seeing if your ex fits into it.

In your time apart, you might feel a little lonelier than you used to, especially when you're making weekend plans or finding activities to fill up a rainy Tuesday night.

But learning to like yourself just as much when you're alone is arguably the most crucial part of this process. Bockarova suggests investing in new friendships and hobbies and filling up your life with as much joy as possible, even if you're still down about the breakup.

Once you've faced your fear of being partnerless, then, and only then, can you know if you genuinely want your relationship back. "If you only miss your ex when you feel lonely, or when you compare your life to those of friends in relationships but not in moments when you feel happy and confident, it won't make for a very fulfilling relationship down the line," Bockarova says.

5. Assess if your issues are actually fixable.

Okay, so you're sure you miss your ex a lot and do want them back. But there's more to it than that: Were your reasons for breaking up actually mendable?

"Problems that are tangible are easily fixed," Bockarova says. "If you broke up because a job took a partner into a new city and long distance was difficult, then the problem may be fixed if one or both partners [is] willing to make a sacrifice."

But if you had larger disagreements about your values or plans for the future (such as whether to have kids or where you ultimately want to live) you'll most likely be just as incompatible down the line. And sorry to say, you might find yourselves in the same position as before.


6. Don't overthink how you approach them.

Once you've decided that trying to get back together feels right, and you're pretty sure they're not dating anyone else, it's time to open up the convo. It'll probably feel a little awkward, but the main thing to remember is to do what feels right for the relationship.

For long-term partnerships, Bockarova suggests being more upfront and honest about missing the person and hoping to meet with them. For shorter-term relationships or fizzled-out dates, she recommends keeping it simple and just asking them if they're free to hang out.

7. Keep the actual meet-up spot casual.

Although your old go-to bar with the dimly-lit candles and velvet booths feels hella familiar and romantic, it's probably not the best bet for this situation. Instead, Bockarova suggests something like an afternoon coffee so "there aren't high expectations on the meet-up, and your partner doesn't feel pressured into staying too long if they feel uncomfortable." Plus, an open-ended, sober daytime hang lets you be clearheaded and honest about how you feel without any pressure.

8. Address the elephant(s) in the room first.

You may very well be tempted to flatter your ex a bunch to warm them up, but unless they're totally oblivious, they already know what's up. Buttering them up comes off as disingenuous, even if it's not your intention.

"If there are any issues that need clarification, or anything you'd like to apologize to your partner for, do that early on," says Bockarova. "Sort out your issues so that your partner can tell you've given this some thought, and it isn't a spur of the moment decision to re-enter into a relationship."

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9. End things on some great memories.

Okay, so you've sufficiently covered everything you've reflected on in your time apart. You've built a case for getting back together, and your ex has given their verdict. Maybe they're enthusiastically into it—or maybe they're very firmly against. Either way, you should reflect on the best parts of your relationship.

"You always want to end this conversation on a positive note—a memory you'll always cherish, or maybe why you are glad your partner entered into your life," says Bockarova. If you love your ex enough to want to be with them again, you should try to look at your past with zero regrets, regardless of the final outcome.

10. If you do get back together, really do the work.

This goes back to the no "winning them over" thing. If you decide to give it another go, know that it's not an overnight process.

"Although it will take some work to rebuild trust, this is your opportunity to form an even deeper bond," Bockarova says. "But that can only be if you speak up to your partner about what you like and dislike, when you feel hurt and when you feel happy, and how you'd like to be treated." She also recommends therapy to sort out any recurring issues.

The point is, as fated and passionate as getting back together can feel, there were still reasons you broke up in the first place, and now's the time to tackle them. But hey, when you're with the person you want to be with, you already know you're down to try again.


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I know you want your ex back. But you’re also thinking about moving on. You know that person has faults but your heart still tells you to go back, thinking about how good they are sometimes. You just want to be with that person again, for better or for worse. And guess what? More than 80% of us think of that when we break up.

Then you cry, and maybe even look up to the sky, maybe even pray and think, ‘Please… Just let me get back with my ex. I hope my ex is just making a mistake and he/she wasn’t thinking it through. I know we are perfect for each other. I want to just call my ex up and say “I love you”.’ Then you look at your phone every half an hour, check your messenger, facebook, instagram, twitter, and heck… email inbox, to see if your ex would want to talk to you, all ready to get back together.

STOP. IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD.

Guess what? Your ex wanted to break up with you because he/she thinks that something is wrong in your relationship. That’s it’s not going to work out.

Well, at least, your ex thinks that you’re not worth the effort.

Sorry to break it to you, honey, that’s the hard truth.

Remember my other post? Everyone has faults and problems. If your partner wants to breakup with you, it means that they don’t love you enough and don’t want to work things out with you.

So how can you get your ex back if they think you’re not worth it?

You need to make them feel you are worth it.

You need to increase your value.

You need to make them feel you’re too busy for them because (a) your life is wonderful (b) you have many people who would want to be with you.

As an example, imagine there’s a pair of shoes you could have got for $50. You quite like it, but you thought it was too expensive so you left. The next day, you passed by again and people started lining up in front of the store, just for those pair of shoes. The price of those shoes became $150. Would you feel like you’ve missed out?

That’s exactly how we want your ex to feel.

That he/she missed out.

You need to make your ex feel that you love yourself. If you love yourself, people will love you, including your ex.

So here’s what you have to do:

  1. Don’t contact your ex
    your ex would think he/she is the best person for you. This act just confirms to your ex that you are not that good, nobody else wants you, and it just confirms to your ex it’s right to have left you.
    I did that before. It ended up in 2 tragedies: (a) ex didn’t pick up the call/didn’t reply to my message (b) ex telling me again we’ll never get back together. #burn
  2. Don’t post negativity on social media
    First, your acquaintances will unfollow you and seeing the negativity, they won’t even want to go near you or introduce new people to you. Second, new friends will all know that you’re sad and don’t want to know you more or else they’ll get infected with your sadness. Third, for the friends who really care about you — you can just go the traditional way and meetup with them and cry your eyes out.
    It’s really stupid to get more attention by being negative. No one likes to give that kind of attention.
  3. Don’t hurt yourself
    Why are you hurting yourself for someone who doesn’t care? That’s really dumb.
  4. Don’t just get into relationships easily
    I know you feel hurt and you probably feel worthless right now because feel like your ex doesn’t want you. You are eager to feel loved and hopefully ‘My ex will know that I’m in another relationship and my ex will feel jealous, and will beg to come back.’ STOP. That’s not self-love. That’s called my-ex-is-still-the-center-of-my-universe. Everything you do is because you want to get your ex back. But actually, everything you do from now on, should be focused on yourself.
    It may seem like they’re contradictory — To get your ex back by not trying to get him/her back.
    That’s exactly the point.
    That’s what makes us human.
    You always want what you don’t get.
    And you always want what you think is good for you. So how can you make yourself better? You can start from appearance (new haircut, new clothes, get some muscles, eat healthier, etc) and a good attitude/be open-minded. Join meditation/yoga/learn new things. Upgrade yourself with your outer appearance and inner attitude. Be the best version of yourself.
  5. Go out with friends and meet new people
    So now you’re Version 2.0, you need to Flaunt it to others. Get out more!
  6. Start doing something that’s been on the Back burner
    You need to have to courage to do what you love. That’s the most important point to love yourself.
    For example, if you’ve always wanted to try horse-riding, start learning it. Enroll for a course.
    If you wanted to start a business, it’s time to start learning how to do that and surround yourself with people who are doing the same.
    If you always wanted to go back to your high school and visit your favourite teacher, it’s time to do that.
    If you wanted to try that new restaurant and want to do a pedicure, go do it.
    This is the time where you just have to care about yourself.
  7. Take pictures
    When you go out or have new experiences, take pictures of your new and improved appearance. When you’re doing your favourite things, take a picture. You can also take pictures with your friends. Be happy. Then post on social media like instagram or facebook. This will help you attract new friends too! Your ex may or may not see these photos. Who cares? You’re enjoying yourself and you will attract more like-minded people. But please don’t post too much. Posting once every two days is a good amount to not annoy others while showing your amazing life.

While you are doing all these, don’t even try to think about your ex or what he/she would like. Do what YOU like. Be the best version of yourself.

I won’t be surprised if your ex starts contacting you again in whichever way. Most of them do.

And when he/she contacts you again, just treat them like an acquaintance, never treat them like an ex. Be nice. If you don’t feel that you’re ready to speak to him/her, then just ignore it. If they ask to meet, don’t do that because although you look all healed, I know it will still hurt when you meet again.

Don’t just start the relationship again after only a few calls/contact.

Afterall, your value is much higher now. Your ex is just another pursurer. Let them wait a while and take as much time as you want to evaluate the person again before you get back. You might even find someone who loves you more that your ex!

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8 Signs That Your Girl Is Only Using You

 

You are a man. You shouldn’t let yourself get used and abused by a girl who doesn’t really care about who you are as a person. You need to stand up for yourself, put your foot down, and say that enough is enough. You need to develop the courage to actually demand what you deserve from this girl. If she isn’t going to be able to give it to you, then you need to be man enough to just walk away and lick your wounds. You shouldn’t have to waste your time being with a girl who doesn’t think twice about you. There are plenty of ladies out there who are more worthy of your love; ladies who would treat you the way that you would want to be treated in a relationship.

Don’t succumb to the belief that emotional abuse can only victimize women in relationships. There are plenty of cases of men who are being constantly abused and manipulated every day, but they are too afraid to just come out and admit it. And a lot of the time, these men don’t even realized that they are just being played by these cold hearted and manipulative women. These abusive girls are so mean and selfish they always act on their own accord regardless of the effects that their actions can have on other people. Don’t allow yourself to be a mere puppet who can’t see the strings. Make sure that you are able to protect your heart from the harmful abuses of women. You don’t want to end up having your idea of love tarnished and beaten down by one rotten lady.

That is why you need to develop a sense of self-awareness when it comes to relationships. You need to be able to see past your own personal emotions and see things from an objective point of view. Look out for the signs that your girl is merely abusing and using you. When you see that her feelings aren’t so genuine, then it’s time for you to take action. So make sure that you stay vigilant and keep an eye out for a few of these red flags. Here are a few signs that your woman is indeed only using you in the relationship for reasons other than love.

1. She always asks you to buy her material items and she never returns the favor.

She is more interested about the things that she can get out of the relationship than the things that she can put into the relationship. She’s only using you for all of the luxury items and fancy toys that you can put on her lap. She isn’t really interested in any of the emotional aspects of the relationship. She just likes that you’re a walking ATM.

2. She goes the extra mile just to make sure that you don’t have access to her messages.

She doesn’t want you to know how she truly feels about you and so she’s going to hide all the evidence. Chances are she’s already flirting with other men or she’s telling her closest friends about how pathetic you are.

3. She uses you as a driver.

You should just probably apply for a job at Uber at this rate and you can make some money out of it. She doesn’t really like hanging out with you much, but she’s going to want you to driver her around for parties and errands.

4. She talks about other men to you.

She always brings up the topic of other boys like her exes, friends, or workmates. The weird thing is that she shouldn’t be bringing up other men during your conversations so often if she were truly devoted to you in a genuine manner.

5. She rarely ever makes herself available to you unless she needs something.

She always has an excuse whenever you want to ask her out on a date. But whenever she’s the one who needs something from you, she always expects you to come running at full speed; ready to cater to her from head to foot.

6. She never initiates the conversation.

You always have to be the one who makes the effort to establish a connection between the two of you. She never texts first. She rarely ever answers your phone calls. She really isn’t interested in talking to you.

7. Your relationship is more physical than it is emotional.

You do a lot more hook ups than you do dates. Remember that she doesn’t always have to be using you for your time or money. She could also be using you for just your body, and that’s just as bad. She’s treating you like some sort of sexual object for pleasure

8. She doesn’t even introduce you to her friends or family.

The real way to know that her feelings for you aren’t genuine is when she chooses to hide you from the intimate parts of her life. If she were truly invested in you, she wouldn’t want to be isolating you from her world.

Talk to me

Have you been in this position? Let me know in the comments below!



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5 Herbs Used By African Women To Spice Up Their Bedroom Life

Since the ancient times women have been partaking in herbal remedies in order to cure or amplify or strengthen issues to do with their reproductive system or se_x appeal.
We’ve read about women in the biblical times eating mandrakes to help with fertility issues, applying expensive perfumed oils so as to look more appealing.

5 Herbs Used By African Women

We’ve even heard about Roman women applying the poisonous Belladona/Nightshade herb to have the appearance of heavy looking eyelids as they were said to make them look seductive.
So we’ve seen that women have always gone the extra mile to to enhance their se_x appeal or their performance when it comes to intimacy with men.
Nowadays such herbs are on demand and are fetching top dollar.
These herbs are claimed to help with, enhancing a woman’s se-x appeal, make se_xual intimacy with their husbands more enjoyable, stop the husband/partner from seeking pleasure from other women, making the vajayjay tighter (almost virginlike) and all that jazz.
Let’s see what our African women are using to spice up their bedroom life.

Ndorane/Intolwane..

This potent herb is actually used for therapeutic reasons to treat ailments like flatulence, worms, digestive issues and hypertension.
However it is used by most women to keep their physical body temperature warm/hot such that when a man touches them or lies next to them he doesn’t feel like he’s in bed with a reptile.
Man are said to be arou_sed by women’s physical warmth.
It’s also used to stop the vajayjay from releasing air especially during intimacy and prevent that embarrassing farting sound from the woman.
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It’s also supposed to keep the vajay vajay dry enough.

Wankie Stone

It’s an actual stone which contains minerals like zinc which can be ground into powder or licked by people who have mouth and throat sores. It’s also used to treat external wounds which are failing to heal and stomach ulcers together with a variety of issues.
It’s function in the bedroom is tightening the vajayjay. Women have testified that it makes them feel like virg_ins again which is supposed to please the man.

Zwanamina

This herb has good therapeutic and spiritual uses as well.
This herb comes in many forms or varieties and one of the herbs in the group is mupfakanya.
The herb is used as a love binding agent, to make sure the man will only see and listen to his woman alone and no other woman.
Women consume this herb in porridge or as a tea or bath with it. And once they get intimate with the man he will be bound to her, want her only and giving in to her only.
It’s said to also resurrect a ‘dead’ se_x life between couples.

Baboon Urine

A baboon is well known for frequently urinating on one spot and place for life no matter what happens, unless it has migrated then it can find a new spot for life again.
So people collect the earth from the place where the baboon urinates.
Once a woman uses this urine concoction before intimacy , her man will not want to ever leave her. He will always come back to her like the baboon does to its spot and see no other woman no matter how attractive she is. It’s like a binding agent.

Tapi Tapi

As the name suggest ‘sweet’ this means intimate times between couples are super charged and enjoyable and the man has absolutely no reason to stray.
There are more herbs of course which we have not covered and are said just to be as potent.

 

 

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How Women Tell If A Man Has A Big P_enis Or Not

 

How Women Tell The Size Of A Man’s P_enis
A lot is often said about how men check out girls in public, ‘undressing’ them with just eyes.
This, because an eye has been the only ‘reliable’ and convenient source to make life-changing decisions in just seconds.
From falling in love on the first sight to making a judgement about the other person: that is the power of the eye.
However, it has always been one huge problem to determine the right partner from just the first glance.
There are many determinants to choosing the right partner and women seem to have mastered the art of using their eyes for more than just seeing.
A recent global survey has shown that women can determine the size of a man’s p_enis by just looking at him without taking off their clothes.
Here are some of the ways women tell if a man has a big p_enis or not.

1. How Men Sit

Sitting posture depends on varied reasons and one of them is due to the size of a man’s 4-5. One simple way to predict the size of a man’s penis is to study the way he regularly sits.
Often times if he recklessly sits down, it is highly likely that his 4-5 is too small he doesn’t care if he sits on it or not.
Yet if he sits in a certain way, with a bit of precaution, it is most probable that he is doing so in order to protect himself from hurting himself since his 4-5 is too long.
So, ladies, next time you sit next to your crush, notice if he has to do a slight movement of his trouser or not. If he does, it’s BIG!

2. Measure The Size His Fingers.
Since ancient times, men and women have been talking of a correlation between the size of the fingers and the 4-5 size.
A recent Korean study has cemented these claims after conducting a study on 144 participants to determine if the ‘myth’ was correct.
From the study, scientists were able to conclude that there is indeed a relation between man’s figures and the size of his 4-5.
How? It is believed that a 4-5 size can be measured through the difference in size between a ring finger and a forefinger.
So, the smaller the size between a ring finger and a forefinger, the bigger he is loaded.
And the bigger…. yeah you know what it is!

3. The Size of his Nose.

This is part of Greek mythology. For centuries Greek women have always been attracted to men with a big, long Roman nose as they believed such men are capable of making lots of babies.
The very same belief has always been used across cultures to determine the size of a man’s p_enis.
Men with big nose have big 4-5s!
Now that you know how women tell the size of a man’s 4-5, good luck in finding your ‘right’ partner.

 

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What Does Virginity Mean To You?


Basically, a virgin female is regarded as a woman who has never had male genitalia in her “Bermunda Triangle”. This means that the hymen is intact and the woman is expected to conduct herself in a certain manner befitting a virgin.  A virgin is expected to remain chaste and not get involved in any sexual overtures of any kind. But just like every evolving situation, it seems a new set of expectations and rules have been created to justify some actions.
Recently, it is a known fact that this new set of actions are all dependent on one’s moral, cultural and religious leanings, you find a female who would never say no to any form of oral sex but would never agree to full penetration and this makes one wonder if the definition of virginity should not be amended.
In your opinion, who do you consider a virgin? How far would one go before you  strike off such a person from the virginity list?
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HOW TO BREAK UP RESPECTFULLY

HOW TO BREAK UP RESPECTFULLY 

 
When Relationships End
In the beginning, it's exciting. You can't wait to see your BF or GF — and it feels amazing to know that he or she feels the same way. The happiness and excitement of a new relationship can overpower everything else.


Nothing stays new forever, though. Things change as couples get to know each other better. Some people settle into a comfortable, close relationship. Other couples drift apart.

There are lots of different reasons why people break up. Growing apart is one. You might find that your interests, ideas, values, and feelings aren't as well matched as you thought they were. Changing your mind or your feelings about the other person is another. Perhaps you just don't enjoy being together. Maybe you argue or don't want the same thing. You might have developed feelings for someone else. Or maybe you've discovered you're just not interested in having a serious relationship right now.

Most people go through a break-up (or several break-ups) in their lives. If you've ever been through it, you know it can be painful — even if it seems like it's for the best.

Why Is Breaking Up So Hard to Do?
If you're thinking of breaking up with someone, you may have mixed feelings about it. After all, you got together for a reason. So it's normal to wonder: "Will things get better?" "Should I give it another chance?" "Will I regret this decision?" Breaking up isn't an easy decision. You may need to take time to think about it.

Even if you feel sure of your decision, breaking up means having an awkward or difficult conversation. The person you're breaking up with might feel hurt, disappointed, sad, rejected, or heartbroken. When you're the one ending the relationship, you probably want to do it in a way that is respectful and sensitive. You don't want the other person to be hurt — and you don't want to be upset either.

Avoid It? Or Get it Over With?
Some people avoid the unpleasant task of starting a difficult conversation. Others have a "just-get-it-over-with" attitude. But neither of these approaches is the best one. Avoiding just prolongs the situation (and may end up hurting the other person more). And if you rush into a difficult conversation without thinking it through, you may say things you regret.

Something in the middle works best: Think things through so you're clear with yourself on why you want to break up. Then act.

Break-up Do's and Don'ts
Every situation is different. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to breaking up. But there are some general "do's and don'ts" you can keep in mind as you start thinking about having that break-up conversation.

DO:
Think over what you want and why you want it. Take time to consider your feelings and the reasons for your decision. Be true to yourself. Even if the other person might be hurt by your decision, it's OK to do what's right for you. You just need to do it in a sensitive way.
Think about what you'll say and how the other person might react. Will your BF or GF be surprised? Sad? Mad? Hurt? Or even relieved? Thinking about the other person's point of view and feelings can help you be sensitive. It also helps you prepare. Do you think the person you're breaking up with might cry? Lose his or her temper? How will you deal with that kind of reaction?
Have good intentions. Let the other person know he or she matters to you. Think about the qualities you want to show toward the other person — like honesty, kindness, sensitivity, respect, and caring.
Be honest — but not brutal. Tell the other person the things that attracted you in the first place, and what you like about him or her. Then say why you want to move on. "Honesty" doesn't mean "harsh." Don't pick apart the other person's qualities as a way to explain what's not working. Think of ways to be kind and gentle while still being honest.
Say it in person. You've shared a lot with each other. Respect that (and show your good qualities) by breaking up in person. If you live far away, try to video chat or at least make a phone call. Breaking up through texting or Facebook may seem easy. But think about how you'd feel if your BF or GF did that to you — and what your friends would say about that person's character!
If it helps, confide in someone you trust. It can help to talk through your feelings with a trusted friend. But be sure the person you confide in can keep it private until you have your actual break-up conversation with your BF or GF. Make sure your BF/GF hears it from you first — not from someone else. That's one reason why parents, older sisters or brothers, and other adults can be great to talk to. They're not going to blab or let it slip out accidentally.
DON'T:
Don't avoid the other person or the conversation you need to have. Dragging things out makes it harder in the long run — for you and your BF or GF. Plus, when people put things off, information can leak out anyway. You never want the person you're breaking up with to hear it from someone else before hearing it from you.
Don't rush into a difficult conversation without thinking it through. You may say things you regret.
Don't disrespect. Speak about your ex (or soon-to-be ex) with respect. Be careful not to gossip or badmouth him or her. Think about how you'd feel. You'd want your ex to say only positive things about you after you're no longer together. Plus, you never know — your ex could turn into a friend or you might even rekindle a romance someday.
These "dos and don'ts" aren't just for break-ups. If someone asks you out but you're not really interested, you can follow the same guidelines for letting that person down gently

What to Say and How to Say It
You've made the decision to break up. Now you need to find a good time to talk — and a way to have the conversation that's respectful, fair, clear, and kind. Break-ups are more than just planning what to say. You also want to consider how you will say it.

Here are some examples of what you might say. Use these ideas and modify them to fit your situation and style:

1. Tell your BF or GF that you want to talk about something important.

2. Start by mentioning something you like or value about the other person.
For example: "We've been close for a long time, and you're important to me."
Or: "I really like you and I'm glad we've gotten to know each other."

3. Say what's not working (your reason for the break-up).
For example: "But I'm not ready to have a serious boyfriend right now."
Or: "But you cheated on me, and I can't accept that."
Or: "But we're arguing more than we're having fun."
Or: "But it just doesn't feel right anymore."
Or: "But there's someone else."

4. Say you want to break up.
For example: "So, I want to break up."
Or: "So I want us to be friends, but not go out."
Or: "So I want to stay friendly, but I don't want to be your BF/GF anymore."

5. Say you're sorry if this hurts.
For example: "I don't want to hurt you."
Or: "I'm sorry if this isn't the way you wanted things to be."
Or: "I'm sorry if this hurts you."
Or: "I know this is hard to hear."

6. Say something kind or positive.
For example: "I know you'll be OK."
Or: "I know we'll always care about each other."
Or: "I'll always remember the good times we had."
Or: "I'll always be glad I got to know you."
Or: "I know there's another girl/guy who will be happy to have a chance to go out with you."

7. Listen to what the other person wants to say. Be patient, and don't be surprised if the other person acts upset or unhappy with what you've said.

8. Give the person space. Consider following up with a friendly message or conversation that lets your ex know you care about how s/he is doing.
Relationships Help Us Learn
Whether they last a long time or a short time, relationships can have special meaning and value. Each relationship can teach us something about ourselves, another person, and what we want and need in a future partner. It's a chance for us to learn to care about another person and to experience being cared about.

A break-up is an opportunity to learn, too. It's not easy. But it's a chance to do your best to respect another person's feelings. Ending a relationship — as hard as it is — builds our skills when it comes to being honest and kind during difficult conversations.
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